Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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