yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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