I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
3 2 1 whiskey
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
