your parents love me but you hate me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
