It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
