Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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