flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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