they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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