Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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