I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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