remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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