just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize