She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
