we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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