All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
