I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize