I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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