those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
