I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
