Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
