that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
