life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just shotgunned beers for America
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
