My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
