Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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