my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
