Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
