Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
