look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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