I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
