My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
