Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
