she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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