we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
