i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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