Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
