Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
