did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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