New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
