If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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