I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
