I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
