I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize