I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
