I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
