My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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