TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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