also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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