Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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