It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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