My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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