Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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