I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Less talking, more tequila
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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