Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
