It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
