why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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