so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
