shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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