So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
