This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
