We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
