Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
