Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
