The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
