Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
