I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize