i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
