I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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