I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
