There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I supernannyed him into submission
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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