Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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