I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
