dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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