I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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