Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
