Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
