OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize