i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
