She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
